FFS Done, Back Home, Musings and Preparing for July Now

May3

I’m back home from Guadalajara, still pretty swollen and bruised, but the surgery went fine. I’ll be taping my nose every four days until May 22nd, when I can stop. The bruising and swelling should be mostly gone by then.

Dr. Cardenas and I chatted and he suggested I give this 12-18 months to fully heal but that I may want to consider a facelift at my age to go along with the FFS work that was done. I could see even before surgery where that  might work out well for me, and given that we did some jaw and chin contouring, there may be a bit too much loose skin on the lower face for the long term. We’ll see.

I can tell how much the lower face is still swelled just by trying to smile. I can’t smile a completely wide smile because the swelling just blocks it from happening, but it’s getting better each day as the swelling continues to go down.

I did a profile pic just for myself today. I think the brow ridge is much improved, though he might have reduced it a tiny bit more. In any case, it looks a lot more feminine to me now. And I can see the difference. My old brow jutted forward enough that I could see the brow just by looking up hard. Now that’s not an issue at all. I think my eyes look more open and I even with the tape, I can tell the nose is much improved. I’m eager to see everything once the swelling is cleared up and I can remove the tape finally.

So now I need to begin preparing for July and GCS. That’s the next big thing. I’m going to rest for one more week then begin stairs 4-5 nights per week as my exercise routine for preparing for July. The bike is comfortable but the stairs really push me and that’s what I’ve done in the past to get ready for mountain hikes with my brother. It really is challenging but definitely makes a difference in a few months time.

I saw the Bruce Jenner interview while I was in Mexico. I felt it was handled very well, considering where transgender knowledge is for the majority of people, and probably for Diane Sawyer as well. I think the support from family was very important to express. When they said “There’s another way”, I almost cried. So many families simply turn their backs on transgender family members or even reject them, sometimes violently. For Jenner’s children to be so supportive and accepting is a wonderful example. Let’s hope that people take it to heart.

And, in a stunning statement (stunning to me), Rick Santorum made the following statement:

“If he says he’s a woman, then he’s a woman,” Santorum said to reporters Saturday at the South Carolina Republican convention. “My responsibility as a human being is to love and accept everybody. Not to criticize people for who they are.”

Given Santorum’s harsh anti-gay and anti-marriage equality stances, this surprised me. Most right wing “Christians” reject transgender people as part of the overall “LGBT agenda”. I’m always amused by that claim as I have no idea what that is. Can one of you conservatives mail me a copy? I seem to have missed the handouts.

The EEOC keeps moving forward, including transgender people under “sex discrimination” lawsuits and handing out fines and other punishments to businesses that insist of mistreating transgender employees. This is good, so far as it goes, but we still need a trans-inclusive ENDA for other areas of life, such as medical care and housing.

I’m in a good place right now as the pains of the past continue to recede. I know that I didn’t close certain doors, others did, so it’s their problem if they want to reopen those doors or not. As for me, I continue to move forward with my life. If someone wants me involved in their life, that’s their choice. And if not, their failure to include me won’t deny me my happiness or satisfaction with my own life.

It’s March and Everything is Coming Together

Mar26

My FFS is now set for April 22nd, in Guadalajara, Mexico, with Dr. Lazaro Cardenas at TransOp. The bill is paid in full and includes ten days at the recovery residences with all meals included. I’ve gotten some helpful tips from other women who’ve gone to TransOp as well. I’m excited.

The last facial hair clearing session took me over a threshold. There’s clearly a lot less facial hair now and it’s a lot patchier than before. The right side of the face is far more clear than the left side. The left side under the lip, the bottom of the chin, and the left jawline are still exhibiting noticeable hair growth. In comparison the right side is far far spottier at this point.

I’m guessing that I’ve got 3-5 more sessions to go now, but that’s just a guess. I also can’t do another session til early July because I have to allow the face to begin healing from FFS before resuming facial hair removal, so that process may extend beyond the end of this year. We’ll see but clearing my complexion coupled with FFS is going to give me a whole new appreciation of myself each morning in the mirror.

And my GCS date is set for July 22nd at the Chettawut Plastic Surgery Center in Bangkok, Thailand. I’ve made that payment (in full) and airline reservations for both surgeries are complete. My passport is in hand. A dear friend and I will be traveling to Bangkok together on July 17th, arriving later in the evening on July 18th, total flight time about 22 hours with a 2 hour layover in Seoul, South Korea. We return on Sunday, August 16th, leaving just after midnight (really late Saturday evening) and arriving in Houston at 8:50am (the joys of the international date line) after a flight of about 24 hours with another 2 hour layover in Seoul, South Korea.

I’m excited. My closest friends are excited and we’ve discussed this. There’s a little trepidation too, about both surgeries. Can anything go wrong? Will it turn out the way I hope? But there’s a lot of excitement and I know I’ve chosen two of the best surgeons in the world for their respective specialties.

And as for appreciations in the mirror, after July, getting out of the shower in the morning, I expect to feel a lot more at peace with what I see than I do currently.

There’s also the matter of some hair restoration work to schedule in there at some point after FFS. Once that is done, I can look into these bonded, integrated hair systems that I can wear for weeks at a time. I’m looking forward to that too.

By the time my close friends see me at the next Ren Fest, I think they’re going to be surprised.

And to Elizabeth, remember what you said you’d do if I did for Ren Fest? It may be time to start planning your “princess warrior” costume!!

Odds and Ends in February, 2015

Feb26

A recent study was published showing that long term HRT is safe for transgender persons when properly medically supervised. I highlighted that last phrase for a reason. Please do not self medicate! It’s potentially dangerous and could kill you if you don’t understand what you are doing.

People get upset claiming I pick on Republicans. No, I don’t. I pick on batshit crazy barbarians who want to take us back to the 13th century and inquisitions. More Republicans today reject evolution than accept it. And a clear majority of Republicans today, when asked, would overthrow the US constitution and make the US a right wing fundamentalist evangelical theocracy. You won’t find Democrats saying that sort of crazy. Not 57% of them.

And the reason I pick on Republicans is they are, across the country, now trying to turn my mere existence into a crime. Sound familiar? It should! That is exactly what the Nazis did to the Jews and LGBT people. And now here we are with Republicans playing the same exact theme, wanting to criminalize our mere existence, for simply going to the bathroom or something like that. Worse, these ignorant Republicans are going to criminalize XY females (yes they exist), XX males (yes, they exist), and Klinefelter’s females and males both. The ignorance and scapegoating is breathtaking in its scope and the danger it represents to human beings that the GOP clearly hates.

In personal news I am now arranging for FFS to be done in Guadalajara, Mexico with Dr. Lazaro Cardenas in late April. Once those details are finalized, I can begin arranging the scheduling for GCS with Dr. Chettawutt in late July to early August.

And my facial hair removal continues apace. It’s getting less and less. I do believe I will finish this process this year also.

This is going to be a huge year for me. There are a lot of challenges ahead but I am looking forward to them. The final medical steps should all be done, except for considering voice surgery, which I may yet do in 2016 at some point.

The Bathroom Myth – Again!

Feb8

It seems no matter how often this myth is debunked, no matter how often the statistical facts disprove the bigoted presumptions of radical right wing religious zealots, they still try to create fear, uncertainty, and doubt about transgender people (especially transgender women) by raising the threat of assault in bathrooms.

But what is the reality? This is the reality – 15 experts, including multiple state law enforcement heads, confirm that there is no problem from transgender women using the women’s restrooms. None. Nada. Zip. It doesn’t exist.

The statement from Massachusetts is particularly strongly worded:

The argument that providing transgender rights will result in an increase of sexual violence against women or men in public bathrooms is beyond specious.  The only people at risk are the transgender men and women whose rights to self-determination, dignity and freedom of violence are too often denied.  We have not heard of any problems since the passage of the law in Massachusetts in 2011, nor do we expect this to be a problem.  While cases of stranger rape and sexual violence occur, sexual violence is most often perpetrated by someone known to the victim and not a stranger in the bush or the bathroom. [Email exchange, 3/7/14, emphasis added]

Other states also note no known cases of assault in that state. Three cities chime in with similar comments. Even the single incident that the antis love to trot out, about Colleen Francis, was never about sexual assault. It was about two thirteen year old girls entering an area clearly marked “adult only”!!

So how would people feel about two boys complaining about naked women when they snuck into a strip club? How would they have felt if two boys had snuck into that adult-only sauna? And note, Colleen Francis assaulted no one. She is simply non-op transgender and was in the sauna.

It’s time to bury the trope about sexual assault in bathrooms. In Colorado that trope was used to try to roll back transgender protections in locker rooms. One Democrat who voted against that bill (which was successfully defeated) was Representative Joe Salazar, who said, “I don’t mean any disrespect towards you, but I’m offended by this bill because this is rinse-and-repeat prejudice.” Further, he said, “The reasons for non-desegregating in the 1950s and ’60s was because Mexicans and blacks somehow were sexual perverts.”

See? Same old religious arguments about a problem that does not exist being used to support hate, discrimination, bigotry, and superstitious nonsense. It’s time to end this. And we should remind these bigots that we’ve seen all these same arguments before, against blacks, against hispanics, against interracial marriage.

Adjust Your Attitude

Feb5

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” ― Winston Churchill

The above is blatantly and starkly true. For years, I let the pessimist in me hold me back. Finally, reaching rock bottom, I reached out for help and found a therapist who helped me find the “glass half full” perspective on things. I’ve taken that initial learning and begun to apply that to more and more parts of my life. And I also learned to admit that I can’t do things alone, reaching out for help, and finding it. And finally, I learned to let go of those who didn’t want to support me instead of obsessing over losing them. I realized they had walked away from me, not the other way around, so I let them go. Yes, it hurt but once I made that admission, that they no longer wanted me in their lives, I was able to heal from that hurt.

This all comes down to “adjust your attitude”.

I see many trans folk each day saying “I can’t” or “Soandso won’t let me” and the only ones who, in my opinion, can legitimately say that are our trans youth. They are stuck with their parents and whether or not their parents accept them. But if you are an adult, you get to choose. And sometimes we have to accept that we cannot have our cake and eat it too.

When it became apparent that further fighting my inner self was going to kill me, I finally relented. I have people to whom I gave decades of my life, and literally hundreds of thousands of dollars from my total earnings who now openly despise me. But I knew that I had to be me and if they could not accept me, that was their loss.

By adjusting my attitude, by seeing the “glass half full” as often as I can, I’ve managed to move steadily forward. I’m accepted as myself anywhere in public (except occasionally around a few people I knew from before). I am full time. My legal name is now Cara, not David. I am still professionally valued and supported at work.

By realizing that nothing comes easily, by focusing on “baby steps” (thank you Paula Ult, Mia, Carolyn, and so many more for that advice!!), I have accomplished far more than I ever expected and now am on the verge of getting even more done.

All of this stems from a change in attitude. I stopped arguing with myself. I stopped accepting society’s definitions for many things and as I did so, I learned that science had already walked away from those cultural falsehoods as well. I stopped letting my rational mind limit me. I stopped letting other people define me and chose to define myself, listening to my heart, my intuition, my inner sense of self. And in doing these things, I have found personal peace.

So if there is one piece of advice I would give to each person who is unsure of themselves, it is this – adjust your attitude! I know this is not easy, but until you do, you will be just like I was – foundering in your own self-doubts and fears.

P.S. Enjoy the journey!! “Don’t be concerned about reaching your destination. Enjoy the journey and the destination will take care of itself.” Jenny Marie