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A Short Update For June

Another month gone and I’ve been so busy!

The end of May saw the fourth facial hair removal session. This one has produced some visible differences. I suspect the next session, in mid-July, will produce even more noticeable differences.

I’ve been out with my daughter a few more times and had a good time each time. We went out on a Friday and had a great evening together, and then on Sunday, just two women out to brunch, even though it was Father’s Day and that was my daughter’s real reason for taking me out. She made me happy. We’re maybe going shopping together tomorrow, though she’s not felt as well lately so that may get postponed. I am planning to attend the Houston Pride parade on June 28th also so there’s lots going on for me.

I could comment about my sons, but there’s nothing to comment there. There never is. No cards, no letters, no emails, no phone calls, no text messages.. nothing. I’d forgive them what they’ve done but I don’t think they want that. Unfortunately, they closed that door, and only they can re-open it. And I will state that the recent circular logic rationalizations that were relayed to me about their behavior is unfortunate. Apparently they believe they can treat me as badly as they wish but if I ever say a single word about their behavior, it becomes their rationalization to never speak to me again. Talk about backwards!

On the work front things continue to move forward. We’re aiming at a coming out meeting in July or perhaps August. I have a meeting with HR and the new HR rep for our building on the 30th so I am looking forward to that, and to continued coordination about this. My finances still look on track to be able to afford the name and gender marker change actions in September or October. I am going to shoot for September, but we’ll see how that works out.

There’s been continued HRT goodness and I’m pleased overall on that front.

I realize this is just a short update, catching up, but I seem to be in a groove now, as things continue to move forward. I wish they could move faster but reality and finances are my key throttles right now and I have to deal with those as things allow. I have decided that after the legal paperwork is done, I’ll take a $3500 short detour and get the Matristem ACell + PRP scalp treatment to try to stimulate  more hair growth. And after that, all my savings will be towards GRS, which I am now strongly considering doing in Thailand, given the costs and that my insurance refuses to cover it.

Protestant Fundamentalism and Mental Illness in the US today

Recently, I had a discussion with some friends and acquaintances via Facebook. The topic was how irrational extremist fundamentalists are with a discussion centered on a woman with 9 children who had 5 miscarriages, who then begged forgiveness from God for her pride, and who was “rewarded” with another baby.

The originator of the discussion item called this “Frustratingly idiotic.”

I replied that “[s]omeone noted that this particular form of religion completely destroys a person’s sense of self-worth. Everything good that happens is from God. Everything bad that happens is “my” fault. How can any human being end up with anything except a warped view of reality and themselves when that mantra is pushed at them every day of their lives?”

This brought up a discussion of mental illness in the US, along with PTSD.

Another person then asked, after seeing the above, “Have people been raised so poorly in the past few decades that a majority of our population is actually mentally ill with anxiety, depression, and various versions of PTSD, much worse than the natural anxieties caused by economic issues and the normal struggles of life? Why is America suffering from PTSD when Europe isn’t?”

Below is my response to these questions.

May I suggest we all turn back the clocks and take a good look at 1950s America. A lot of change was beginning at that time, including civil rights changes. The first really sane looks at sexuality and GLBT issues were just beginning. Racism was being addressed. And there were people who were terrified of change, and terrified of the communist bogeyman as well.

These same people linked the concepts of “patriotism” and “godliness” and added “Under God” to the pledge of allegiance as well as “In God We Trust” to our money. Yes, this all happened in the 1950s. From there you have several successive generations raised under the illusion that being patriotic is being godly and being godly is being patriotic. Further, these were simple minded people leading these movements, and they took many things very literally, including the bible. This was the beginnings of the creationist movement as a political entity. Before this, creationism was seen as a backwater, hick concept among people not bright enough to understand science.

This was also the beginning of the Republican Party deliberately choosing to court these people, in order to gain more political influence. So as the Democrats moved in a more progressive direction away from their racist past, the GOP, which had progressive members like Ike, began to move the other direction, embracing racism in order to win over the states in the south. After Nixon lost to Kennedy in 1960, he worked with Kevin Phillips to create and apply what is today known as the “Southern Strategy”. That strategy is built on racism, and that racism is built on Protestant fundamentalism and a deliberate misinterpretation of the “curse of Ham” which has been used in the US south since before the Civil War as an excuse for treating people of color as lesser beings.

The 1960s saw the Civil Rights Act and forward movement on issues for people of color. It also saw the beginnings of political organization in the GLBT community, sparked by the riots at Stonewall but whose seeds had been laid years earlier.

As these right wing racist fundamentalists began to flock to the Republican party to fight against people of color, they also began to attack GLBT people as well. But their primary fight was first against people of color. Slowly, however, they’ve largely lost that fight. And as they lost, they retreated and set new barriers, primarily against gays. That was the political work of the 1980s through now. And now they are also losing against gays.

So their last stand, so to speak, is now against transgender people. They lost against people of color because there were so many and as people began to learn that people of color are human beings too. They lost against gays as gays began to come out openly and show that they are just normal people too, not the monsters that the religious right accused them of. And they are beginning to lose against trans people, again using the exact same arguments they used against black women in white women’s restrooms, etc., back in the 1950s.

You are probably asking what does this have to do with the problems that you mentioned in the US of the last few years. And the answer is that these people have acquired, since the 1950s, enough political (they control the GOP) and media power (Fox News, right wing talk radio, Rupert Murdoch’s empire) that they now feed a steady diet of fear, uncertainty, and doubt to a large but gullible section of the American public. And that public is told, repeatedly, that the only hope is for them to retreat further into literal Protestant fundamentalism. And yet in retreating, as I noted above, they adopt a world view that tells them that they, as individuals, are worthless. That nothing good can ever come from themselves or other human beings. And that all good must come from their all powerful creator deity.

And that is how so large a section of the American population has become mentally ill. They have willingly listened to liars and charlatans and bigots whose livelihoods depend on fanning the fears and hatreds that allow their movement to exist. Yet in fanning those fears and hatreds of people who are different, also brings about all manner of psychological problems.

Many people don’t realize that we didn’t get here by accident and that all of this is caused by that faction that today identifies itself as Protestant fundamentalists and/or the Tea Party.

 

The HR followup

I really didn’t learn much in my HR meeting on Monday, the 24th. The benefits coordinator was out and unable to give me an answer to questions about trans surgeries and health care. We did cover my tentative legal transition schedule and that I was planning to go full time at work after that, so in the second half of this year.

It sounds like the surgery situation is somewhat ambiguous. I did point out that I would have letters of medical necessity when that time came, and that she should mention it to the CIGNA rep.

I also have permission to come out to my team mates. I need to coordinate that with my boss.

An amazing week in Memphis

From March 15th to March 23rd, I was in Memphis, Tennessee, visiting two wonderful, supportive and close friends, and in turn making nearly a dozen more friends. It was a 10 hour drive from Texas but quite doable and as a side note, that old Z-28 that I drive managed to get 24, 26, 25, and 27 mpg on the four tanks of gas to and from Memphis. Of course, that car loves to cruise at about 75-80 mph, so letting it flex its muscles was the perfect opportunity for it to stretch out and run, like a thoroughbred horse.

I arrived in Memphis late Saturday evening, gave friends a couple text messages, then got unpacked for the evening. Now to put things in perspective, back home in Texas, I’ve been living a more and more female/androgynous mode but hadn’t gone all out yet and wasn’t presenting fully female full time. Memphis was going to be a week where I didn’t have to soothe anyone else’s discomforts and could just be myself.

Sunday came and we went thrift shop hopping for several hours. I picked up several new items, all of which I loved and we did dinner together and spent time chatting. Monday was more shopping and more clothes to take home. Tuesday was various activities with friends as well as a visit to one friend’s Pagan temple. The wonderful woman there who was the priestess did a tarot card reading for me that seemed, to me, to be very positive about the future, and especially about the question I asked (which she did not know until after, when I told her). That question was rather simple – will I always be alone? And her answer suggested no, I would not. I hit it off well with her and we’re going to keep in touch via Facebook.

Wednesday was a rest day, in which we got together a bit in the evening but mostly we took the day off to catch up. We’re not that young anymore! Thursday was the zoo, with lots of walking, seeing exhibits, admiring the expansion of the zoo, which the friend from Memphis was more than willing to explain to us. The Memphis Zoo has come a long ways, with many larger open enclosures versus the small cages of years ago. That evening we did barbeque and Central BBQ and then I chose to retire, being rather worn out from the long day. Several others went to another friend’s house and played board games. I wish I’d felt up to doing so but it didn’t work out that way with me falling asleep a bit after I got back to the hotel.

Friday was more running around getting eyebrows waxes, manicures, and then followed by a ceremony at the temple specifically for me. I was taken into the women’s circle, embraced as one of them, and really felt some overwhelming care and love from those there. I cried a lot, which I fully expected, hence avoided eye makeup that evening, else I’d have been a racoony mess!

On Saturday, my friend from Wisconsin had to depart with her family. We all had lunch together, chatted a bit, exchanged hugs, wished each other well, exchanged hugs again, and then they were off on the first leg of their drive home. On Saturday evening there was a large gathering at the temple but I skipped that, given my hearing problems when among large numbers of people, and because I needed to pack for the drive home Sunday.

On Sunday, I checked out of the hotel, had lunch with the friend who was local to Memphis, then finally got back on the road. This time I took I-55 south to I-10 west (with a few dog legs along the way). This trip was also about 10 hours overall.

One thing I was not aware of until one of my friends told me was that different men had asked to be sure I was going to be safe going to and from my hotel alone. As she noted, that question isn’t asked for men but it is for women.

It was an amazing week for me, and one which completely reaffirmed my own belief in my transition. I’ve never been that completely comfortable with myself anywhere and I was not misgendered once the entire week there. Below is one of my favorite pictures from the trip.

Memphis_20140321-1

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way

On Monday, we completed our usual planning session for the next two weeks of work and afterwards I stopped in to talk to my boss. Along the way, he informed me that the person I know best and trusted in HR just retired. Uh-oh. That threw a spanner into my coming out plans with HR. I had planned to talk to that exact person in early April since I’ve had contact with her before but not openly about this specific issue. My boss saw this bothered me so asked why. Given that I do trust him and have no reason not to talk to him, I said, “Let me close the door. We probably need to chat.”

So out it came. He now knows. And his reaction? “I don’t see this impacting your place in this organization in the least. In fact, if it does, I will be very disappointed in whomever tries to make it an issue.” He also said with my HR contact having left the company last week, he will find out who is best for me to talk to in HR so I’ll either have an HR appointment later this week or probably the first week or second week after I get back from vacation. I did explain that I am aiming to complete the legal aspects of transition in the second half of this year with a soft target date of September. Once that is done, I can really be full time and start the clock towards GCS.

That also means it’s all in play and live. And my boss? He congratulated me on tackling something that must be very difficult to face. He also said that I probably have enough stress from this outside the office (which is true) but he wanted to make sure the office was zero stress on this specific issue.

I work with great people, for a great company. I hope I can continue to say that going forward.

Addendum: Today I received an email from our new contact in HR. She wants to see me the first day I am back from vacation, which is Monday, the 23rd.

My boss also reiterated that if I need to speak to him at any time, his door is always open.