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An amazing week in Memphis

Mar25

From March 15th to March 23rd, I was in Memphis, Tennessee, visiting two wonderful, supportive and close friends, and in turn making nearly a dozen more friends. It was a 10 hour drive from Texas but quite doable and as a side note, that old Z-28 that I drive managed to get 24, 26, 25, and 27 mpg on the four tanks of gas to and from Memphis. Of course, that car loves to cruise at about 75-80 mph, so letting it flex its muscles was the perfect opportunity for it to stretch out and run, like a thoroughbred horse.

I arrived in Memphis late Saturday evening, gave friends a couple text messages, then got unpacked for the evening. Now to put things in perspective, back home in Texas, I’ve been living a more and more female/androgynous mode but hadn’t gone all out yet and wasn’t presenting fully female full time. Memphis was going to be a week where I didn’t have to soothe anyone else’s discomforts and could just be myself.

Sunday came and we went thrift shop hopping for several hours. I picked up several new items, all of which I loved and we did dinner together and spent time chatting. Monday was more shopping and more clothes to take home. Tuesday was various activities with friends as well as a visit to one friend’s Pagan temple. The wonderful woman there who was the priestess did a tarot card reading for me that seemed, to me, to be very positive about the future, and especially about the question I asked (which she did not know until after, when I told her). That question was rather simple – will I always be alone? And her answer suggested no, I would not. I hit it off well with her and we’re going to keep in touch via Facebook.

Wednesday was a rest day, in which we got together a bit in the evening but mostly we took the day off to catch up. We’re not that young anymore! Thursday was the zoo, with lots of walking, seeing exhibits, admiring the expansion of the zoo, which the friend from Memphis was more than willing to explain to us. The Memphis Zoo has come a long ways, with many larger open enclosures versus the small cages of years ago. That evening we did barbeque and Central BBQ and then I chose to retire, being rather worn out from the long day. Several others went to another friend’s house and played board games. I wish I’d felt up to doing so but it didn’t work out that way with me falling asleep a bit after I got back to the hotel.

Friday was more running around getting eyebrows waxes, manicures, and then followed by a ceremony at the temple specifically for me. I was taken into the women’s circle, embraced as one of them, and really felt some overwhelming care and love from those there. I cried a lot, which I fully expected, hence avoided eye makeup that evening, else I’d have been a racoony mess!

On Saturday, my friend from Wisconsin had to depart with her family. We all had lunch together, chatted a bit, exchanged hugs, wished each other well, exchanged hugs again, and then they were off on the first leg of their drive home. On Saturday evening there was a large gathering at the temple but I skipped that, given my hearing problems when among large numbers of people, and because I needed to pack for the drive home Sunday.

On Sunday, I checked out of the hotel, had lunch with the friend who was local to Memphis, then finally got back on the road. This time I took I-55 south to I-10 west (with a few dog legs along the way). This trip was also about 10 hours overall.

One thing I was not aware of until one of my friends told me was that different men had asked to be sure I was going to be safe going to and from my hotel alone. As she noted, that question isn’t asked for men but it is for women.

It was an amazing week for me, and one which completely reaffirmed my own belief in my transition. I’ve never been that completely comfortable with myself anywhere and I was not misgendered once the entire week there. Below is one of my favorite pictures from the trip.

Memphis_20140321-1

It wasn’t supposed to happen this way

Mar11

On Monday, we completed our usual planning session for the next two weeks of work and afterwards I stopped in to talk to my boss. Along the way, he informed me that the person I know best and trusted in HR just retired. Uh-oh. That threw a spanner into my coming out plans with HR. I had planned to talk to that exact person in early April since I’ve had contact with her before but not openly about this specific issue. My boss saw this bothered me so asked why. Given that I do trust him and have no reason not to talk to him, I said, “Let me close the door. We probably need to chat.”

So out it came. He now knows. And his reaction? “I don’t see this impacting your place in this organization in the least. In fact, if it does, I will be very disappointed in whomever tries to make it an issue.” He also said with my HR contact having left the company last week, he will find out who is best for me to talk to in HR so I’ll either have an HR appointment later this week or probably the first week or second week after I get back from vacation. I did explain that I am aiming to complete the legal aspects of transition in the second half of this year with a soft target date of September. Once that is done, I can really be full time and start the clock towards GCS.

That also means it’s all in play and live. And my boss? He congratulated me on tackling something that must be very difficult to face. He also said that I probably have enough stress from this outside the office (which is true) but he wanted to make sure the office was zero stress on this specific issue.

I work with great people, for a great company. I hope I can continue to say that going forward.

Addendum: Today I received an email from our new contact in HR. She wants to see me the first day I am back from vacation, which is Monday, the 23rd.

My boss also reiterated that if I need to speak to him at any time, his door is always open.

Medical Information about Transwomen in Sports

Mar9

The following was put together by Transadvocate, a trans advocacy website, on their Facebook page. In order to not lose track of it, I am putting it here. This is not my work! I am copying it for ease of reference! Thank you Transadvocate and Rehan! If I find another link to this, I will add it here for completeness as well.

In regards to the Crossift HQ refusal of Chloie Jonnson’s participation at the games here are some facts that should be considered before any sensationalistic claims are made without proper knowledge.

First of all the XY vs XX argument is invalid and not sufficient. There are well documented cases of XX males and XY females. The SRY gene region is normally found on the Y chromosome but is not a reliable method of testing since not only is not always found on the Y chromosome it also triggers a gene cascade not well understood by scientists yet that in turn affect other tissues during development which may lead to altered sexually dimoprhic traits in individuals, such as brain structure.

This is evidenced by scientific literature cited

Male-to-Female Transsexuals Have Female Neuron Numbers in a Limbic Nucleus
http://press.endocrine.org/doi/abs/10.1210/jcem.85.5.6564

and

Sexual differentiation of the human brain: relevance for gender identity, transsexualism and sexual orientation

Read More: http://informahealthcare.com/doi/abs/10.1080/09513590400018231
http://informahealthcare.com/doi/abs/10.1080/09513590400018231

and

Sexual Differentiation of the Bed Nucleus of the Stria Terminalis in Humans May Extend into Adulthood
http://www.jneurosci.org/content/22/3/1027.short

and

A sex difference in the human brain and it’s relation to transsexuality.
http://depot.knaw.nl/821/1/15106_285_swaab.pdf

with subsequent study by Dr.Swaab et al. And Kruijver et al. showing differences in the Bed Nucleus of the Stria Terminalis, SDN, Hypothalamus and gray matter volume underlining the importance of brain physiology.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/0165380688902313

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053811909003176

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v28n03_07#.UxoCwRbPPFI

http://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr&id=JFpq6hYQRhQC&oi=fnd&pg=PA41&dq=brain+dissection+transgender+Dr.+Swaab&ots=FjtewJ28wz&sig=8F-QOG1Q5QCEIMe1oQwqlWNb9ko#v=onepage&q&f=false

http://www.hawaii.edu/PCSS/biblio/articles/2005to2009/2006-atypical-gender-development.html

Also studies showing it to be irreversible

http://aace.metapress.com/content/nm510264636815vk/

There is also an article linking hormone related genes to the atypical sexual dimoprhism. Genes CYP19 (Aromatase responsible for testosterone to estrogen conversion), AR (androgen receptor, the “key” hole for the cell that the testosterone “key” acts on to elicit it’s effects) and ESRB (Estrogen Receptor Beta which is responsible for the initiation of differentiating gene cascades in the fetal brain during fetal hormonal “washes”)

here

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306453005000454

Continuing on the topic of performance and gender testing the IOC released a statement before the 2012 summer Olympics.

“The new rules state that a panel of independent medical experts will examine through a blood test the testosterone levels in a woman and will then make a recommendation about whether she could be eligible to compete.”

The IOC and NCAA have decided after extensive research (independently) that Hormone profile is the primary determining factor for gender qualification in sport.

The Olympics requires 2 years post surgery before being allowed to compete at an INTERNATIONAL event.

The NCAA requires only one year of HRT.

This was determined the minimum to not have any unfair advantage as evidenced by the quotes from respective authorities below.
“Requiring sex reassignment surgery before allowing participation for the high school or collegiate student athlete is medically unnecessary and not linked to competitive equity IOC regulations requiring surgery for Olympic transgender athletes have been controversial and it would be unreasonable to”make this requirement for high school and college students”
ERIC VILAIN M.D., PH.D., PROFESSOR, DIRECTOR OF THE CENTER FOR GENDER-BASED BIOLOGY AND CHIEF MEDICAL GENETICS DEPARTMENT OF PEDIATRICS, UCLA
“Research suggests that androgen deprivation and cross sex hormone treatment in male-to-female transsexuals reduces muscle mass; accordingly, one year of hormone therapy is an appropriate transitional time before a male-to- female student athlete competes on a women’s team
ERIC VILAIN: M.D., PH.D., PROFESSOR, DIRECTOR OF THE CENTER FOR GENDER-BASED BIOLOGY AND CHIEF MEDICAL GENETICS DEPARTMENT OF PEDIATRICS, UCLA
“Transgender student athletes fall within the spectrum of physical traits found in athletes of their transitioned gender, allowing them to compete fairly and equitably”
DR. NICK GORTON
AMERICAN BOARD OF EMERGENCY MEDICINE, MEDICAL LEGAL CONSULTANT, TRANS HEALTH CARE

Further more, the difference need to be put into perspective when transgender women are compared with cisgender women they fall within a female range after the required time period (1 year NCAA, 2 years post-op IOC).
“Differences within the sexes are considerable and often times larger than differences between the sexes ”
DR. WALTER BOCKTING, PH.D.
PRESIDENT OF WPATH, ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR, UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA MEDICAL SCHOOL

These facts are presented based on scientific literature as cited
here
Elbers JM, Asscheman H, Seidell JC, et al. Effects of sex steroid hormones on regional fat depots as assessed.
here
Australian Sports Commission. Transgender in sport.www.ausport.gov.au/fulltext/2001/ascpub/women_transgender.asp (accessed 22 Mar 2005).

here
as contrasted between these two
↵ Stamm R, Veldre G, Stamm M, et al. Dependence of young female volleyballers’ performance on their body build, physical abilities, and psycho-physiological properties. J Sports Med Phys Fitness 2003;43:291–9. [Medline][Web of Science]
↵ Viitasalo JT. Anthropometric and physical performance characteristics of male volleyball players. Can J Appl Sport Sci1982;7:182–8. [Medline]
and here
Pilgrim J, Martin D, Binder W. Far from the finish line: transsexualism and athletic competition. Fordham Intellectual Property Media & Entertainment Law Journal2003;13:495–549.
And the rest of these studies

↵ Federation Internationale de Volleyball. Medical regulations, ed. 2004. http://www.cev.lu/mmp/online/website/main_menu/downloads/file_28430/fivb_med_regulations_-_revised_7.pdf (accessed 23 Mar 2005).
↵ Lausanne Declaration on Doping in Sport (adopted by the World Conference on Doping in Sport). 1999.www.sportunterricht.de/lksport/Declaration_e.html (accessed 23 Mar 2005).
↵ Ritchie I. Sex tested, gender verified: controlling female sexuality in the age of containment. Sport History Review2003;34:80–98.
↵ Batterham AM, Birch KM. Allometry of anaerobic performance: a gender comparison. Can J Appl Physiol1996;21:48–62. [Medline]
Thomas JR, French KE. Gender differences across age in motor performance: a meta-analysis. Psychol Bull1985;98:260–82. [CrossRef][Medline][Web of Science]
↵ Shepard RJ. Exercise and training in women. Part I. Influence of gender on exercise and training responses. Can J Appl Physiol2000;25:19–34. [Medline][Web of Science]
↵ Dickinson BD, Genel M, Robinowitz CB, et al. Gender verification of female Olympic athletes. Med Sci Sports Exerc 2002;34:1539–42. [CrossRef][Medline][Web of Science]
↵ Simpson JL, Ljungqvist A, de la Chapelle A, et al. Gender verification in competitive sports. Sports Med 1993;16:305–15. [Medline][Web of Science]
↵ Introducing the, uh, ladies. JAMA1966;198:1117–18.
↵ Doig P, Lloyd-Smith R, Prior JC, et al. Position statement. Sex testing (gender verification) in Sport. Canadian Academy of Sports Medicine. 1997. http://www.casm-acms.org/PositionStatements/GendereVerifEng.pdf (accessed 23 Mar 2005).

There is no “residual” advantage and often times transgender athletes are at a disadvantage due to severely lowered testosterone levels in comparison to native females. Cisgender women have a higher testosterone than transgender women who have had reassignment surgery and the related information.
http://transathletes.org/hormones.php

Other issues that arise in the form of practicality

1) Her numbers pale in comparison to other female athletes

Crossfit profile comparison between her and CLB:http://games.crossfit.com/compare/161983/8404

Back Squat: 225 lb Clean & Jerk: 165 lb Snatch: 125 lb Deadlift: 275 lb

These numbers pale in comparison to the top competitors as well as compared to many other regional athletes.

2) Let her compete, if she has an unfair advantage it will be very apparent and provide evidence for these as of yet unfounded claims of unfair advantage. There are yet to be any instances of a transgender athlete dominating competitions if this were to be so likely.

3) Saying this will open the door for other males to “become” transgender and dominate is very short sighted. Firstly they would have to adhere to the strict protocol involving Hormone Replacement Therapy which would remove that advantage. Secondly transgender people face a MASSIVE amount of discrimination not to mention the amount of money and physical pain of procedures that need to be endured to complete the requirements. The transgender suicide rate is 41%, forcing someone to live as the opposite identity is devastating psychologically and would also be true of someone trying to “fake” it. (Remember once the surgery is done it is a PERMANENT change, is winning crossfit that important?)

4) Having larger bone structure and lowered muscle mass constitutes a disadvantage.

5) Furthermore there is no consistent testing policy in crossfit for PED’s. A cis-female using AA has a much larger and much more distinct advantage which could be considered universally as an “unfair advantage”.

The most shocking thing is the completely deplorable and inappropriate reply from Crossfit HQ, who seem to be the ones lacking in understanding of the human genome and biology.

Second E3000 Session This Week!

Feb9

My second E3000 session will be later this week. I’ll be sure to take some before and after photos and try this time to get an immediate after photo to show the usual swelling as a reference.

I got a very nice PM from one of my daughter-in-laws. She’s so very sweet. I really wish I could see my new grandson but I know that will never happen. It’s something I have to move past. But I am thankful that she at least acknowledged me this once.

I’m going to be going to Memphis, Tennessee in March to see a very very dear friend and hopefully a second who may be coming down from Madison, Wisconsin that same week. I’m excited!

The ethinyl estradiol continues to work and better than the prior estrogen form I was taking. I’m finally noticing more feminization occurring so this is a good thing!

A friend of mine finally joined Facebook. I hope I can make her presence there more comfortable.

Life proceeds apace. I’m gathering materials to have handy for my coming out to HR and management in early March.

Small steps, baby steps, but onward I go.

 

An Absurdity of Trans Self Hatred And My Response

Jan9

On a forum where I am not allowed to post my thoughts without censorship, a post as made that trans folk should be like a starfish opening a clam, slow steady pressure that eventually succeeds. This is pretty wise advice for most cases and I had no quibble with that advice. But another poster came in and posted complete and utter nonsense. This poster has waged a war against transition itself and urged trans people to always “sit in the back of the bus” if even a single cisgender person objects. Here is what she said:

Yet a very relevant digression because that sort of militant action created many negative reactions and created opponents, opponents who could have cared less but were forced to become opponents because of the offensive behavior and not just fighting for gay rights but attacking many non-gays for their beliefs. Beliefs which by and large had nothing to do with gay issues.

The turning point for gays was when non-militant folks started coming out and demonstrated gay people can be decent human beings and all weren’t such offensive people.

You message here Becky is a very good one and illustrates that desires can be obtained, respect and acceptance achieved by being a decent human being first and using slow and constant change. There have been thousands just like you who have provided positive examples who have been instrumental in achieving so much for trans.

It seems more and more a certain portion of the community seems focused on flushing all this good will folks like you have earned for trans by becoming more angry at non-trans and not pushing for needs but pushing for things that go well beyond the needs of trans and not respecting things most people will find offensive.

This is my response, which I cannot post there because of censorship.

Once upon a time, most whites found the mere presence of blacks offensive. White women argued that black women would prey upon white women in integrated restrooms. Sound familiar?

There are certain things that are morally abhorrent regardless of how they are done. I take great exception to the “stay at the back of the bus” mentality. Coming out gently, the “starfish” approach doesn’t mean not rattling cages. It means doing things in a slow steady forward progression. But people can still be exceptionally stiff necked, cruel, rude, and even dangerous when faced with change they dislike. Should someone stop transition at a certain point just to satisfy family members yet remain in a suicidal depression by doing so? I don’t think so. Should a trans person be denied restroom access to simply empty their bowels or bladder because some bigot is upset that trans folk merely exist? That’s the narrative of Pacific Justice Institute – that your mere existence is harassment of cisgender women.

Among my friends and family, I’ve achieved a more than 90% success and acceptance rate among the people I know. Yet there are losses and those losses were not caused by me. Those losses were the deliberate choices of those people to reject me, despite multiple health care professionals all agreeing that this was what I needed to do. And those losses remain very painful.

Your frequent harangues against transition and against not upsetting anyone amount to allowing one family member to tell you to not seek cancer treatment when ill with cancer. That’s absurd, isn’t it? And it’s just as absurd when applied to therapies that mental health professionals can statistically prove are highly likely to succeed in reducing stress and anxiety brought about by gender dysphoria.

No one is “forced to become an opponent”. That’s an absurd rationalization for bigotry, hatred, and injustice. Becoming an opponent is a choice that the opponent makes not the trans person, not the gay person, not the black person, not the hispanic person. George Wallace chose to become an opponent of blacks. Every single person who chooses to oppose equal rights for transgender people is making exactly the same sort of choice as George Wallace. All that black people did was stand up and say, “I want to be respected and treated decently.” What George Wallace did, and what trans bigots do today is respond with, “Hell no! We’re never going to respect you! We’d turn the dogs on you, the water cannons, and we’d round you up and ship you to camps if we could!” This isn’t even an exaggeration either because trans opponents have made exactly those sort of arguments, from the Tennessee state representative who promised to “stomp a mudhole” into any trans woman he saw enter a restroom, to a North Carolina GOP state organizer who wants to send every trans person off to camps, to even my eldest son who says I need a tattoo on my forehead and arm that tell the world I am trans. (Does that sound familiar?)

Your argument is an “Uncle Tom” argument. Your argument is fear and loathing of what you and other trans folk are, and a choice to allow your rights to be trampled and yourself to be bullied, all so you don’t upset the bigots. I do not accept your choice. You’re free to sit in the back of the bus, but I won’t.

I’m not even sorry to say this, but to hell with you and your fear mongering about who we are. You are a menace to young trans people everywhere by sowing excessive doubt and worry. My only regret is I cannot post my frank opinion of your complete and utter bullshit right where it would matter.