It’s now been almost a week since I came out to my adult children. My grandchildren are now apparently no longer considered safe around me and I’ve been cut off from them. My daughter sends me messages but the boys have been nearly silent. My eldest did call and ask about seeing a movie this coming weekend but that was it, no chatter, no talk. It feels like he is going through the motions. My younger son called for his mother and when I answered the phone there was a notable pause before he spoke again, asking if she were there. When I said no and asked if I could pass on a message, he indicated not. I then said I would tell her he called and at that point he hung up.

Today twice I went to enter my own bedroom and was chased out by my wife. The first time she was writing, keeping a journal that I apparently wasn’t supposed to know about. The second time she was on the phone with someone and gave me the nastiest look I can ever recall getting from her in all our years together. She keeps saying that no one is talking behind my back or plotting against me and I want to believe that but this isolation is wearing thin and her own actions now make me question things. What needs to be hidden from me so completely?

I’m beginning to think that I’m eventually going to have to consider moving out on my own or go crazy from the latent hostility and isolation from those I was closest to before this. The funny thing is that I am still the same person I was before I revealed my innermost self to them, yet that revelation has completely altered all our relationships and I am not the one that has changed. I’ve not begun hormones yet, nor extensively altered my physical appearance, yet just telling them the truth has caused them to harden their hearts towards me.

I’m left disappointed in ways that surprise me. Transgenders are often told that the worst discrimination comes from immediate family. It certainly seems true in this case.

After talking to them the other day, my kids got together at my eldest son’s house last night to talk. Around 11pm or so (give or take a bit, I don’t recall), they called and asked my spouse to go over. I was specifically asked not to come.

She got home after I was in bed so we didn’t chat much then. And this morning, I got up to do my Saturday electrolysis appointment. When I got back home around 11am, no one was here. She had left a note saying she had gone to breakfast with my daughter.

Shortly after this my eldest son called and asked to come over. Initially, he tried to browbeat me a bit with how much pain I was going to be causing everyone else. When he saw that wasn’t working, he informed me that I “better” be sure that I took care of my spouse, in what felt like a threatening tone. I sat him down and informed him of a lot of things that he probably never knew and told him it was never my intent to leave her but that if she leaves me, it’s her choice and he better remember that.

He then informed me that I was not welcome to see his children (my grandchildren) anymore at all under any circumstances. He said he “might” change his mind later but gave no promises. He then informed me that he has never seen my youngest son this angry before and that neither my youngest son nor his spouse had any wish to speak to me again, at least at the current time. Finally, he let me know that my daughter, while still supporting me, is very confused and struggling with all this (which I knew).

I asked specifically about their spouses and he reiterated that my youngest son’s wife is very upset and does not want to talk to me. My daughter’s husband is taking things calmly and is mostly concerned about my daughter. My eldest son’s wife is alternately crying and in shock. I’m curious about why this is such a bad thing for her but I doubt I’ll get a clear answer about that.

So today is a lousy day and it’s going to be a lousy week. Oh, my son also informed me that he invited a common friend over and told him everything too without giving me a chance to come out to that friend. And further, my son demanded that I talk to my next younger brother “soon” or he would. While he claims he wants to maintain a relationship between us, it was obvious there was a lot of hostility there.

I’m expecting my daughter to cave under familial pressure and restrict me from seeing her children as well. I hope I am wrong about that. Thinking back, the last thing I got to do with my son’s and my daughter’s children was to watch the movie “Brave” together while holding the youngest one in my lap. That movie will always hold a special place for me because of that.