Tag Archive | electrolysis

Things are rarely what we think they are

Aug18

Yesterday, I met someone I met via an online transgender forum. She knew I lived in this city and was here on business so she asked if we might meet. We did and ended up chatting for four hours when we planned on two.

In person she’s rather different than she presents herself online. I was pleased. We have a lot more in common than I originally thought and we hit it off rather well. Our discussions were far ranging, at least in the trans universe, from her extensive experiences (she transitioned over a decade ago) to my experiences thus far (I’m a fledgling newbie at this by comparison!), to trans politics, to health care in general, to our children, to rejection and then acceptance, often from the people who rejected us first.

Her experiences give me some hope that my own children may mellow and begin to accept me as I move further into my transition and they realize that they can either include me or exclude me but not sit on the fence.

In other matters, I read one of the more beautiful blog entries I’ve read in a while at Transgenderless titled “B is for (a New) Beginning“. (NOTE: As of 2015, this blog appears to be gone, sadly.) This made me smile, to read about another transwoman who is beginning to blossom into her womanhood.

In my own transition, I keep plodding alone, slowly but surely, like a turtle. But I expect things to pick up significantly over the next 16 months. As always, everything is subject to finances and being able to pay for things up front, so I can only go as fast as I can save.

Still, I am now optimistic about a couple things coming up soon, one of which is beginning electrolysis with E3000. I did get an appointment, in December rather than January, so that’s really good.

And I have to make a decision. I’ve been invited to be a maid of honor at a friend’s wedding in the spring of 2014. I want to go and I’m afraid of going, strange as that may sound. My biggest fear is becoming a spectacle at my friend’s wedding and detracting from that day for her and her fiance. But I’d love to go, and to be her maid of honor.

So I’ll spend some more time fretting, fussing, and wondering but within another month or so I need to decide. Arrangements need to be made.

So much done, so much to do

Jul28

I look back over the last 15 months and realize how much I’ve accomplished internally, as myself in coming to grips with myself. The externals haven’t changed as quickly as I’d like but I’m coming more and more to grips with who I am and where this road is leading. And I’m happy despite being shunned by some of the people I loved most in this life. I’m sad at the same time but I know that I have to be true to myself, that I can no longer go on living the lie they expected me to live, solely for their sakes. And that if me being honest and authentic drives them away, I will mourn that loss but not let it deter me from finding myself.

There are days I look in the mirror and smile at what I am beginning to see. There are days I look in the mirror and despair. The thing that gets me most often still is the facial hair. I can’t do much about the male pattern baldness other than see how much grows back under HRT but the facial hair I can address and now it’s a waiting game. I want to have the funds for two consecutive trips to E3000 in Dallas saved before I start with them because then I can save at a rate that will keep that process moving forward regardless of other events. And I’m almost there. I need to start thinking about scheduling a first visit with them.

I also keep delaying doing my eyebrows or getting my ears pierced. I’m not exactly sure why. I know I am procrastinating on those things. It’s probably fear or public rejection and I need to work through that.

I can pull on a wig and I like everything I see, except those eyebrows and the facial beard shadow. I really think that addressing those will make me feel a lot better about myself pretty quickly so from here it’s a matter of resolving to do what I need to do.

And as an addendum to my prior post, about how we as a community can’t “go back”, I would add the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:

“We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.”

I aim to treat everyone around me as kindly as I can. But I will not stand idly by while someone tries to suppress me or those like me. When I see trans youth thrown onto the streets by their parents and hear their stories of being unable to find housing or work and being forced to choose the world of drugs and the sex trade, my heart breaks for them. And anyone who says they deserve that fate is someone I’d rather not know anyway.

A Three Week Update on HRT

Oct16

Today is three weeks since beginning HRT. There are not many changes yet but they are beginning. There is tenderness around the breasts. I’m detecting some shrinkage of the testes. I think my skin feels slightly softer and less oily overall but I’m not certain of those things.

I’ve also had occasions of more intense olfactory sensations, but it’s not consistent. I’m also beginning to wonder if my own scent is changing but again, I’m not certain of that. My fingernails and toenails seem stronger and less flakey but that may also be the biotin at work.

Emotionally, I cry somewhat more readily. I’m not sure I detect any specific changes in thought or thought patterns. I suspect my facial electrolysis is going easier. I know that my recovery from electrolysis seems faster now than previously, especially the cheeks. My cheeks used to take 48-60 hours to recover from an electrolysis session and now it seems to be 24 hours or less with most irritation gone in 4-6 hours. I think my facial hair is growing slower, which means I need to let it grow for a longer time between electrolysis sessions. I can suddenly see the huge advantage of an electrolysis center like E3000 which does your entire face in one sitting then has you return 2-3 months later rather than doing it for just an hour each week.

I’m not sure what other direct hormonal effects I am seeing. I think my left eye generally tends to be moister than it was before though it still can get too dry. I see more vellus hairs on my scalp but that’s no help if they don’t turn into terminal hairs and I am hoping that they do.

In summary, the changes at three weeks are just beginning and are fairly subtle so far. Perhaps I’ll see more at the six week mark.

Starting Electrolysis

Jun18

On Saturday, June 9th, I began electrolysis. It’s an interesting procedure and though the pain in the cheeks isn’t bad, I’ve heard that the pain around the lips can be intense. I’ve started researching possible ways to counter this and my gender therapist recommended that I consider numbing gels and creams used by tattoo artists. These are not prescription but do a pretty good job of numbing the affected area for up to four hours. So I will be looking into those.

Also, the feel of the skin in the areas where the facial hair is being removed is amazing. It’s not all completely clear yet, of course, but it’s so much smoother and softer without those thick heavy facial hairs poking out. I can’t wait for most of the lip and chin area to be cleared!

I’ve done two sessions so far and they’ve been tolerable. I know I have many more hours on that table before I will be done but it’s already feeling worth it!