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About Male Privilege

Jan9

Cisgender male often do not believe that there is something like male privilege in existence. Even feminists have trouble identifying it and pointing it out clearly, probably because they never experience male privilege and then experience its lack. Natal males experience it constantly so never see it missing. Natal females experience its lack constantly so have trouble identifying it.

Interestingly, this is one area where transwomen are most able to support feminists, because often transwomen can provide actual examples of male privilege. Here are some anecdotal examples, names removed to protect those other persons.

One transwoman I know spoke about buying a new car as a woman for the first time. She said the initial experience was strange because she’d never been talked “down” to while buying a new car before. This continued until they moved on to actually negotiating over the car, where the salesman saw her legal name change and credit history. Suddenly, he was treating her like a male again. She said she was not even sure if the salesman knew what he had done, his treatment of different genders being so ingrained.

Another transwoman, in dealing with a particular bank, found them to be condescending. She too had undergone legal name change but not finalized all documentation yet. When she presented her name change paperwork along with her old “male” id, the tone of the discussion shifted, almost seamlessly and she too wondered if the individual involved even knew what had just occurred.

The following video exemplifies this sort of thinking, pointing it out, and telling women to not accept it.

People who deny that male privilege exists are ignoring very real evidence that it does exist – from transwomen who have seen both sides of the same coin directly.

An Inkling of Progress

May21

The spiro seems to be working. I say seems because it’s only been a few weeks but I think I am noticing some effects. Well, let’s say I am definitely noticing some effects! First off, there is a definite change in hair density upstairs where I have hair, which is good. Second, I’m getting some regrowth around the edges of the bald spot in back, which is also good. Third, the estrogen seems to finally be starting to overwhelm the testosterone and what has been tender slight breast bumps for months seem to be starting to firm up and grow a bit.

I also noticed that almost 8 months on HRT has taken a bigger toll on my upper body strength than I expected. I had to do some repair work on two gates on our fences and that was much more of a struggle than I anticipated. I was also experiencing some lightheadedness, which I was told to expect from my endocrinologist now that I’ve started the spiro.

It’s time to start running indoors again on the treadmill. It’s getting hot outside down here in the south, and humid as well. So much so that wearing a compression shirt and a t-shirt isn’t exactly wise but without the compression shirt I’ve got visible nipples that get stares. I’m amused but no sense upsetting the suburban neighbors.

I am still waiting for a response from my spouse about staying together or not for the next few years. We’ll see but I am going to ask her soon. This cannot hang out there forever undecided.

Six Days Later

Jul19

It’s now been almost a week since I came out to my adult children. My grandchildren are now apparently no longer considered safe around me and I’ve been cut off from them. My daughter sends me messages but the boys have been nearly silent. My eldest did call and ask about seeing a movie this coming weekend but that was it, no chatter, no talk. It feels like he is going through the motions. My younger son called for his mother and when I answered the phone there was a notable pause before he spoke again, asking if she were there. When I said no and asked if I could pass on a message, he indicated not. I then said I would tell her he called and at that point he hung up.

Today twice I went to enter my own bedroom and was chased out by my wife. The first time she was writing, keeping a journal that I apparently wasn’t supposed to know about. The second time she was on the phone with someone and gave me the nastiest look I can ever recall getting from her in all our years together. She keeps saying that no one is talking behind my back or plotting against me and I want to believe that but this isolation is wearing thin and her own actions now make me question things. What needs to be hidden from me so completely?

I’m beginning to think that I’m eventually going to have to consider moving out on my own or go crazy from the latent hostility and isolation from those I was closest to before this. The funny thing is that I am still the same person I was before I revealed my innermost self to them, yet that revelation has completely altered all our relationships and I am not the one that has changed. I’ve not begun hormones yet, nor extensively altered my physical appearance, yet just telling them the truth has caused them to harden their hearts towards me.

I’m left disappointed in ways that surprise me. Transgenders are often told that the worst discrimination comes from immediate family. It certainly seems true in this case.

Fallout

Jul14

After talking to them the other day, my kids got together at my eldest son’s house last night to talk. Around 11pm or so (give or take a bit, I don’t recall), they called and asked my spouse to go over. I was specifically asked not to come.

She got home after I was in bed so we didn’t chat much then. And this morning, I got up to do my Saturday electrolysis appointment. When I got back home around 11am, no one was here. She had left a note saying she had gone to breakfast with my daughter.

Shortly after this my eldest son called and asked to come over. Initially, he tried to browbeat me a bit with how much pain I was going to be causing everyone else. When he saw that wasn’t working, he informed me that I “better” be sure that I took care of my spouse, in what felt like a threatening tone. I sat him down and informed him of a lot of things that he probably never knew and told him it was never my intent to leave her but that if she leaves me, it’s her choice and he better remember that.

He then informed me that I was not welcome to see his children (my grandchildren) anymore at all under any circumstances. He said he “might” change his mind later but gave no promises. He then informed me that he has never seen my youngest son this angry before and that neither my youngest son nor his spouse had any wish to speak to me again, at least at the current time. Finally, he let me know that my daughter, while still supporting me, is very confused and struggling with all this (which I knew).

I asked specifically about their spouses and he reiterated that my youngest son’s wife is very upset and does not want to talk to me. My daughter’s husband is taking things calmly and is mostly concerned about my daughter. My eldest son’s wife is alternately crying and in shock. I’m curious about why this is such a bad thing for her but I doubt I’ll get a clear answer about that.

So today is a lousy day and it’s going to be a lousy week. Oh, my son also informed me that he invited a common friend over and told him everything too without giving me a chance to come out to that friend. And further, my son demanded that I talk to my next younger brother “soon” or he would. While he claims he wants to maintain a relationship between us, it was obvious there was a lot of hostility there.

I’m expecting my daughter to cave under familial pressure and restrict me from seeing her children as well. I hope I am wrong about that. Thinking back, the last thing I got to do with my son’s and my daughter’s children was to watch the movie “Brave” together while holding the youngest one in my lap. That movie will always hold a special place for me because of that.

Starting Electrolysis

Jun18

On Saturday, June 9th, I began electrolysis. It’s an interesting procedure and though the pain in the cheeks isn’t bad, I’ve heard that the pain around the lips can be intense. I’ve started researching possible ways to counter this and my gender therapist recommended that I consider numbing gels and creams used by tattoo artists. These are not prescription but do a pretty good job of numbing the affected area for up to four hours. So I will be looking into those.

Also, the feel of the skin in the areas where the facial hair is being removed is amazing. It’s not all completely clear yet, of course, but it’s so much smoother and softer without those thick heavy facial hairs poking out. I can’t wait for most of the lip and chin area to be cleared!

I’ve done two sessions so far and they’ve been tolerable. I know I have many more hours on that table before I will be done but it’s already feeling worth it!